MIHTEEL : Black Legend

Looking back, the turn of the millennium was both the best and worst of times for dance music.  Being in the thick of the dance explosion around the turn of the century has left me many happy memories which have outlasted the credibility of the music therein.

Today’s example was untroubled by any sort of credibility or appreciation from me, mind you. Click away and be reminded of this so-called “tune” while digesting my ensuing bile.

Black Legend – You See The Trouble With Me

I can see the trouble with you, Black Legend:  you’re crap.  Now, I’m all for contrasting elements in electronic music, but this is just a collection of random noises one after the other:  a faux-live recording of Barry-White-lite, an echoing disco-hit sample, and a stunningly out-of-place off-beat sample of someone apparently doing plumbing really damn loudly.   The latter’s particular brand of dull, resonant thwacking is perhaps my most hated sample in all of dance music, if not music itself.  Mangled together with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, it’s as if someone on a roof terrace on a lazy afternoon thought “I wonder if I can make some music out of whatever’s on my desktop today.”

But it didn’t matter.  The Ibeefa-drunk public lapped it up, and I found myself having to play it during gigs without ever really liking it, or actually even owning a copy – someone with worse taste always seemed to have one hanging around.  They’re welcome to keep it.  Or fry eggs on it.  Whatever.

The terror doesn’t end there, though.  A few years later, as pop and dance frenziedly ate themselves and each other in the face of the internet and Coldplay, Mad’House (ha!) purloined Black Legend’s exquisite pipe-hitting noise and slung Madonna through Autotune over the top:

Mad’House – Like A Prayer

This pop-tastic minor hit did in fairness tone things down a little, at least attempting to glue things together instead of leaving gaping 2-minute holes like Black Legend, but there’s some quite ropey drum syncing towards the end.  I didn’t really mind it too much, and may have been seen “dancing” along to it in some Loughborough dive bar many moons ago.  Those were the days, eh?