Being a bit ill is crap. Don’t take my word for it – try it yourself. No? Oh well, your loss. Except not really – because feeling slightly off-colour isn’t a position anyone wants to be in, least of all me. Everyone at the moment has a cold, and my body’s evidently not one to be caught behind-trend. In fact it’s assumed the role of tastemaker, harbouring its second illness in a month, much to my obvious chagrin. It’s rare for this to happen, and I can see why – it’s double the crapness already. Mix in an extra ear infection and we’ll be reaching the heights of Saturday night light entertainment in no time.
One of the worst things about having a bit of a cold is the rekindling of those childhood memories of lying in bed with just some Vicks VapoRub for company. Life in the halcyon days of youth is all school-time, play-time, meal-time – until the inevitable playground virus floors you under the covers with a hot nose, sore throat and deflated demeanour. As the cruel world of adulthood sweeps the fun bits away, all the Old You and New You share are those times huddled beneath the duvet wanting the world to go away. Good job no-one told me that when I was little.
But there’s a saying about clouds such as these, which is fulfilled by the dazzling array of bewildering things that you can wave, huff or shove in your face in an attempt to rid yourself of the malefactors within. For instance: I defy anyone to not let out a sigh of guilty pleasure upon hearing the words “Olbas Oil”. A magical substance which, upon inhalation, is like attacking your sinuses with a menthol laser – it’s so strong you can feel it working as it numbs your nose into happy submission. To follow it up you can neck as many strongly-flavoured blackcurrant sweets as you can handle with the excuse that just this once it’s good for you. (Except your teeth.) Lemsip is however to be avoided unless you’re the kind of person who wants to actively make yourself feel worse.
On top of all that, some people claim that being a bit ill makes you grumpy. I don’t have a clue what they’re talking about – I feel better already. Goodnight!