Archive for the ‘Music I Hated…’ Category

MIHTEEL : The Bomb!

Monday, December 28th, 2009

(This is the 3rd in an occasional series of Music I Hate That Everyone Else Liked – guaranteed to make you want to hit me with your record box.  Enjoy!)

If there’s one word that can describe a lot of UK house music from the mid-90s, it’s flaccid.  Whilst European ravers pummelled their ears with the massively tuned kick-drums of gabber, British clubbers bopped apologetically to beats that wouldn’t burst a paper bag.  Leading this Charge of the Wet Brigade were The Bucketheads and their tedious anthem The Bomb!

Kenny Dope presents The Bucketheads – The Bomb! (These Sounds Fall Into My Mind)

Another grand example of house glued together with irritating sound-effects, The Bomb!‘s repertoire comprises some kind of alarm noise and a clipped sample of some yelping ladies, presumably excited by the tune’s unique percussive stylings of a haddock being slapped against a clothes-horse.  It’s the 9-minute version from the Positiva Classics series that’s forever etched on my brain; it’s not so much the eternal build-up that’s galling – though it’s bad enough – but the let-down when you get there.  4-or-so minutes of wiggling to a frenzied yet random arrangement of the aforementioned three samples should be paid off with a little more than a man with a bugle, and then some more of those three samples.  Not even a vocal lifted from Chicago can lift it for me, guys.  Sorry. Even after recent listening, why people ever liked this remains beyond me.

It’s not all bad news.  Michael Moog took the basic melodic idea, chucked out all the FX, added some more sensitive percussion and released a more satisfying albeit cocktail-loungey version in That Sound.  It has a chunkier if typical Full Intention remix-by-numbers on the flip and is generally worth seeking out if you’re desperate for some of this riff in your life.

MIHTEEL : Black Legend

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

Looking back, the turn of the millennium was both the best and worst of times for dance music.  Being in the thick of the dance explosion around the turn of the century has left me many happy memories which have outlasted the credibility of the music therein.

Today’s example was untroubled by any sort of credibility or appreciation from me, mind you. Click away and be reminded of this so-called “tune” while digesting my ensuing bile.

Black Legend – You See The Trouble With Me

I can see the trouble with you, Black Legend:  you’re crap.  Now, I’m all for contrasting elements in electronic music, but this is just a collection of random noises one after the other:  a faux-live recording of Barry-White-lite, an echoing disco-hit sample, and a stunningly out-of-place off-beat sample of someone apparently doing plumbing really damn loudly.   The latter’s particular brand of dull, resonant thwacking is perhaps my most hated sample in all of dance music, if not music itself.  Mangled together with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, it’s as if someone on a roof terrace on a lazy afternoon thought “I wonder if I can make some music out of whatever’s on my desktop today.”

But it didn’t matter.  The Ibeefa-drunk public lapped it up, and I found myself having to play it during gigs without ever really liking it, or actually even owning a copy – someone with worse taste always seemed to have one hanging around.  They’re welcome to keep it.  Or fry eggs on it.  Whatever.

The terror doesn’t end there, though.  A few years later, as pop and dance frenziedly ate themselves and each other in the face of the internet and Coldplay, Mad’House (ha!) purloined Black Legend’s exquisite pipe-hitting noise and slung Madonna through Autotune over the top:

Mad’House – Like A Prayer

This pop-tastic minor hit did in fairness tone things down a little, at least attempting to glue things together instead of leaving gaping 2-minute holes like Black Legend, but there’s some quite ropey drum syncing towards the end.  I didn’t really mind it too much, and may have been seen “dancing” along to it in some Loughborough dive bar many moons ago.  Those were the days, eh?